Fulfilled or Failed???

You know those people who say, "being a mother is so fulfilling, I just love it!" I want to meet one who isn't already a grandma and find out how.  Lately (ok, honestly for most of the last 8 years) being a mom makes me feel like a complete and utter failure more days than I go to bed feeling fulfilled.

I was never the girl who talked about growing up and being a mom and doing this and that with my kids. The only thing I ever said along those lines was to my mom who I felt was cheating me out of a wonderful life experience one day when she wouldn't give me as much money as I thought I needed to go to the gas station.  My friends and I would walk to Old Farm Market and get candy and soda and tater babies (yummy).  This particular day I had asked for $5. She didn't think I needed that much money and I said to here, my one and only "when I'm a mom" statement ever, "when I have kids and they want to go to the gas station, I will give them at least $5 every time they ask. That's what good moms do!" Aside from that one comment in a heated moment with my mom no one ever recalls me saying anything about having kids.

I remember sitting behind a girl named Mindy in a computer class in 7th grade. The first day of class we had to interview our neighbor and find out the answers to all these prompted questions.  One of them as," what do you want to be when you grow up?" We'll, I asked mindy that simple questions and got the answer, "I am going to be a mom!" I think my jaw hit the floor.  Wy would any body want to be a mom instead of a brain surgeon whatever young teenage minds think up.  As I got older and watched people, I realized some people were put here with the awe inspiring talent to mother, to interact with kids and love them and teach them and be entertained by them.  Unfortunately for me and my boys, I am not one of those women.  Luckily, I have a wonderful husband who thinks like Little boys, who builds great forts and can play video games for hours on end and who can talk on a level they understand and love.

I'm not saying I don't love my kids because I do more than almost anything.  I would just love to be able to parent them more effectively and in a more fulfilling way. I hope and pray that as they get older, I will be able to enjoy them more.  Right now I feel like the mom Whois constantly fighting with my kids to brush their teeth or put their back pack away, or to,play less messy.  When I try to do something fun with them it seems like al anyone does I fight and complain. I often finding myself thinking, " what's the point? I could do their chores better and faster and without the fight." Or "what's the point, no one is possibly having any fun."  We'll, the point is, and it is hrd for me to remember some times, that I have these little people on Lon from our Heavenly Father who expects and has entrusted me with 5 of His favorite children.  It is my job to raise them up right.  To teach them the gospel and how to love it, and more importantly, to want to live it and to teach them how to succeed in this world.  I will be held accountable for The things I do and say as a parent.  I owe it to all my kids and my Heavenly Father to figure things out.

As hard as that will be and as many years as that will take, I will keep on keepin' on.  I don't know how to get over this feeling of failing everyone today, but hopefully in time with much pray and fasting and trying, I will get it right. And hopefully I'm not too late.  Hopefully I will raise great people who love life and love to love nd give and become something of worth to both the people they know and love and our Heavenly Father.

Any suggestions on how to find joy in this journey we call parenthood would be greatly appreciated.

I know that my Redeemer lives!

I love going to church. I really love days when something happens that strengthens my testimony or reminds me why I love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Yesterday at church a man sang the song "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" and my heart was touched.  Every word of that song rang true to me of the things that I believe about my Savior, and how that knowledge has helped to mold me into the person that's am.  Flawed and imperfect, but trying a little hard each day to Become the person I can be.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TajSXFfWbAU


As you read the words to the song, pay attention to the feelings it brings into your heart and the peace that is speaks.

1. I know that my Redeemer lives.
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, he lives, who once was dead.
He lives, my ever-living Head.
He lives to bless me with his love.
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my hungry soul to feed.
He lives to bless in time of need.

2. He lives to grant me rich supply.
He lives to guide me with his eye.
He lives to comfort me when faint.
He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.

3. He lives, my kind, wise heav’nly Friend.
He lives and loves me to the end.
He lives, and while he lives, I’ll sing.
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.
He lives and grants me daily breath.
He lives, and I shall conquer death.
He lives my mansion to prepare.
He lives to bring me safely there.

4. He lives! All glory to his name!
He lives, my Savior, still the same.
Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:
“I know that my Redeemer lives!”
He lives! All glory to his name!
He lives, my Savior, still the same.
Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:
“I know that my Redeemer lives!”

So many of the words are so full of love, support and encouragement to keep on pushing forward.  he lives, loves, blesses, pleads, feeds, guides, comforts, hears, kind, joy. All that the savior did was for us, each and every one of us.   Not as a whole but as individuals.  In The Book of Mormon, in Alma chapter 7 it is full of similar expressions of the love Jesus Christ has for us. 

I love the knowledge and peace that comes from the gospel of Jesus Christ.  If you ever feel alone or empty, afraid or lost, turn to The Lord in prayer or in the scriptures.  He loves you more than you know.  He wants you to be happy and joyful and the best part is He knows better than anyone how to comfort you and lift you up if only you let Him. What could be more comforting than that? The Savior suffered all thAT he suffered so that he could lift us up, comfort us when life is hard and help us to get back on the path that lead to eternal happiness, IF we will let Him by becoming a true follower.  Nothing can bring more strength to move forward or peace to the soul than knowing that.  Such a blessing.  I like the song says, know that my Redeemer lives and loves me.

Happy Mother's day??

A big shout out to all my fellow mothers out there!!  Nothing like a day to celebrate our faults and shortcomings.  I can't tell you how many times today I heard the words, "being a mother is so rewarding and is one of the greatest blessings in a woman's life........
Really? 
I am anxiously awaiting the day that I feel that way for more than a few seconds here and there.  Right now, I feel tired and weighed down with inadequacy.  By the end of each day i am grateful for bedtime because I need a break from all my little blessings who have nagged and whined and fought all day long. I need a moment to feel like I am something other than a maid, a cook and a sounding board for everyone. 
I think that part of me was expecting something really out of the ordinary today. But the day went as usual other than Adam got up and shut our door so I could sleep in till 9 in peace. And Adam was sick.  The kids were exceptionally wiggly in sacrament meeting and wouldn't stop talking.  I know that the young men's presidency talked about mothers but that is all I could tell you.  then I got to go to a family dinner with out Adam and deal with all the kids by my self. 
I am soooooo tired today.  I am grateful that I am tired because I was doing good. and taking care of the things I love most in this world, but am left feeling far from where I want to be at the end of this great day. 
I wish that I was put on this earth with the natural talent to be good, loving, playful mom. That I jumped out of bed every morning, early, excited for what the day might bring.  I want that, but have no idea how to get to that place. 
Maybe after the kids are grown up, and you look back at all the blood and sweat and tears and band aids you put in to raising you great kids who have turned into great adults you recognize the blessing better.  One day I will let you know.  For now, I will have to take the small moments where I feel that joy and hang on to that a little bit harder

I'm back

I can't believe how fast time flies when you're doing absolutely nothing at all.  Here is the short version of the last year. The beginning of last year, Adam and I decided that we were done having kids. Almost 2 years before this decision was made we felt like we needed to stop preventing a baby from being made (didn't really feel like we would have another baby, but that we needed to "try"). During that time I had 2 miscarriages.  I had never had a problem getting pregnant before and started to think maybe I felt like we needed to try so that we could find out that there was something wrong with me.  Nothing ever was. After miscarrying I dreaded "that time of the month" every month. My periods were kind of all over the place and I old get nervous every month that I was going to be pregnant and the have another miscarriage.  If you've never been there, count your blessings. It is stressful and kind of depressing.

Anyway, after all that, early last year, I decided to get serious about losing weight and liking the way I looked, so after exploring my options decided to do isagenix. About this same time we decided to do something permanant so we wouldn't have any more kids.  I started doing isagenix and Adam scheduled his vasectomy.  Life was all the sudden a lot less stressful. No more middle of the night feedings, only one more kid to potty train, no more sippy cups or cribs.  (It's kind of amazing how fast your thoughts change when you know you're done having babies). Adam had his surgery in march and I was down about 20 pounds and thought I might buy a new swimming suit for the summer, something I haven't done since before I had Corbin. After a while, I realized I hadn't had a period.  I decided it was because I was eating different And had lost a fair amount of weight in a short amount of time, but decided I better make sure I wasn't pregnant since I wasn't eating a very fetus friendly diet.  I was shocked when the test was positive. I took a few test to make sure.  I couldn't believe that I was really pregnant.  I blame Adam. (The night before the vasectomy, Adam told Heavenly Father he was willing for one more night and if we were supposed to have another baby it was the last chance).
So we did the math and decided this baby was meant to be (Heavenly Father usually gets His way, we don't always like it but I have learned that the quicker we are to put our will in line with His the happier we will be) and the icing on the cake was finding out this sweet baby was due on Christmas.  We changed the way we thought again.  It changed to awe, crap now we need the crib that the kids broke and we shouldn't have thrown away all the sippy cups and we love getting up in the middle of the night all night long to snuggle a fussy baby, and we moved forward.
Not to long after finding out I was pregnant my fibromyalgia went crazy.  My hands wouldn't work, I could hardly walk, I was so tired I couldn't function.  I felt like I did when I came home from my mission to find out that I had fibromyalgia, maybe worse.  And it never got better.  It got to the point that I was going to the neighbors to have them open cans for me or having them come over to help me cut things so I could try no make dinner,  I couldn't drive unless I used my elbows to steer the car, some days I couldn't get myself dressed of fix my hair or put makeup on. I was this helpless, pathetic person trying to take care of 4 other little people.  I didn't know what to do.
Well, Heavenly Father knows better than we do and He loves to bless his children and He made it impossible for us to move so that we would be in this ward while I was pregnant.  I couldn't believe how many people that were more than willing to help with everything.  Dinners, cleaning, babysitting, grocery shopping, rides to the doctor, taking my kids while I'd go get my labor stopped, so many tender mercies from The Lord.
I also learned how true it is that we will never be given more than we can handle.  When it seemed like I couldn't take one more thing, one more thing would usually happen or go wrong, but one thing would also work itself out or it would be the day that 3 or 4 people would call and offer to bring dinner or help with the kids or bring my favorite treat over.  He kind of balanced out the bad if that makes  sense.
With all this going on, all this new pregnant stuff, I would have put money (and a lot of it) on this baby being a girl.  I had never experienced anything like this with any of my other pregnancies.

Trials of our Faith or Faith builders???

Earlier this year I went to a Relief Society meeting and a young couple spoke about their trials and experiences.  The girl had lost her mother (I think) to cancer when she was in her early 20's.  She talked about prayer and the way our prayers are answered or not answered.  She shared a quote from a talk, I think I have wrote about it before.  But, here it is again,  “For a while, I thought if I had enough faith, I would be cured,” she says. “But sometimes having faith means trusting in and listening to the Lord even when we are not cured. What we want won’t always match what He has planned for us.”......“When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting.”


There was a great talk in conference about looking up.  Letting the atonement work for us in our lives and always looking to the Savior.  http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/it-is-better-to-look-up?lang=eng In his talk, Elder Cook says, "Experience has taught me that if we, like President Monson, exercise our faith and look to God for help, we will not be overwhelmed with the burdens of life. We will not feel incapable of doing what we are called to do or need to do. We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy.³ We will come to realize that most of what we worry about is not of eternal significance—and if it is, the Lord will help us. But we must have the faith to look up and the courage to follow His direction."

How often in life do we face a trial, get sick or get diagnosed with cancer or lose a loved one or a job, struggle as a parent or a spouse or just have a bad day, a bad break up and so on and so on.  the list is almost endless, and we pray, because when life isn't going according to plan we tend to pray a little bit more, Right? And much to our dismay, it seems like Heavenly Father has left us on our own to fight through and figure out a way to come out on top, or come out at all in some cases. We might feel alone, or abandoned or unloved.  But that feeling I have learned is a choice.  We choose to let our unanswered prayer get us down.  We don't let our Savior's love and the atonement pull us up above the gloom and despair.  We choose to not feel blessed and we choose to not let our faith be perfected. 


This week could have been a really hard, depressing week for me.  As you know, we have been trying to get pregnant for most of this year.  Making a baby has always been a fairly easy process at our house until this time.  Well, last friday we found our we were pregnant. Saturday morning I had some problems and ended up at the dr, then back again on tuesday.  I lost the baby.  It was sad and hard.  But I chose to focus on the blessing I have in my life..the 4 kids I have that if I had stuck to my plan would not be.  My great husband, my wonderful friends, a calling that has kept me super busy this week, and most importantly a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I know.  A Heavenly Father who knows me and wants the best for me.  That doesn't always mean that thing will go easy or the way I want them to.  We have to experience the bad, the ugly and the hard so we will appreciate the good.  In the Book Of Mormon, Lehi teaches us in 2 Nephi :11 " that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility."

We could not be grateful for the good and the happy if we never experienced the bad and the sad.  It was an interesting experience for me.  Saturday I had Adam and Joe give me a blessing and was really hoping that it would say something like, "your baby will be fine!" or, "prepare yourself, this baby will not be making an appearance here on this earth next May."  But that is not what I heard.  I got, be patient, Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of your situation, one day, someday, you will bear a child. 

So, I know that someone is aware of me, but should I be scared, Happy, sad, worried?  I didn't know. then I go to the dr and they say "well, you could have miscarried or you could be fine.  We will take blood today and then again on tuesday and then on wednesday, we will let you know what is going on.  what is done is done and there isn't anything anyone can do to change it."  Any one who knows me knows I am the farthest thing from patient.  it was a long 5 days. The hardest part was not knowing what I felt or what I should be feeling.  But at the same time I knew that everything was going to work out the way it was supposed to and I was ok with that. I was ok with whatever news I was going to get.  Every time I would pray, I prayed that I would feel my Savior's love and that I would know what to feel.  I know the Savior knew what I was going through and He knew how I should be feeling.  And that was good enough for me.  I felt the Savior's love and the strength that comes from knowing about the atonement and the plan of salvation.  I still feel that love. 

                                       

What a blessing to go through a hard, unwanted experience and to come out feeling closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.  Such a better place to be than questioning the Lord's motives and my worth as a child of God.  I don't think that I am a heartless person who doesn't feel or care and I don't think that I am someone special that gets knocked down and jumps back up with out a problem or thinking twice, I think we get to make choices (part of our agency)  and I chose to be happy and hopeful. I chose to move forward and to let my faith get a little bit closer to perfect. 
When we let the Lord's plan work for us, when we put our struggles in His hands we can't not win. I am so grateful for the gospel.  for the plan of salvation.  I can't imagine going through life with out the gospel.  I would be so scared and alone I think.  I don't know how I would have survived the last week.  One more thing that motivates me to look for opportunities to be a missionary and to teach my kids how important it is to have an eternal perspective.  to not waste time worrying about the things that don't matter and letting the Savior help with the things that do.  

That is my big long spiel for the night.

Defeat

Have you ever felt totally defeated?  I have a lot lately.  I start every day thinking that  I am going to have a great day, that I will not be defeated my anything, not my kids, the laundry, the jerk at the store, definitely not by my old house that I love so much.  Well, today, I was defeated by my kids, my husband, the oven and dinner. 

I wish it were easier to have an eternal perspective, to look past the little things that for some reason seem to matter so much. To have a bad day or hour or minute and to say, something like, "man that sucked", be mad or sad or whatever for a few seconds and then move on to something more important, more eternal.  I am frustrated with Adam right now.  I need to just get over it, but I know me and I an going to sulk in it for a few hours or a night and then let the guilt of being upset drive me to apologize for a disagreement I didn't start. Wasted time and feelings. 

Life is hard and stressful. Too bad we didn't come to earth knowing all we needed to know, having already felt everything we needed to feel, having a quick fix to every problem.  I often think how differently I would react to situations if I didn't have the gospel in my life.  If I didn't have the spirit with me on and off through out the day (when I allow it to be with me). I can't imagine how much harder life would be.  I think I would be a very sad person. 

I also think about service and just being with other people, like play groups or talking to a complete stranger at McDonald's just to have an adult conversation.  We need others in our lives to make us complete.  Our spouses, children, extended family, friends, neighbors, strangers.  There is a lot we can do for others without even knowing that we are helping.  Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when He sent us down here by the hundreds and thousands and billions. 

Tomorrow I will once again start the day feeling like I will conquer it, who knows, maybe I will. 

WOW!!!  It has been a long time with lots of ups and downs and all arounds.  I am on my way to bed, (I have this awesome friend who gets me out of bed way to early to exercise) for my beauty rest.  I have lots to tell and will be back soon!!  Night Night

Family Responsibilities

So, on Sunday we had a lesson in Relief Society about Family responsibilities.  Lisa Wilberg, the teacher did a really great job. Before the lesson, she had asked her kids what they thought were the specific roles of each family member.  After church, I decided to do the same with my kids.  They had some good, funny and some really off the wall responses.  I wanted to share before I forgot.

When I asked them what a dad's responsibilities (or jobs) were they said, "to make money, to play games good, to keep everyone else safe and protected. To kill the spiders and bugs. To take care of their kids when mom's are gone.

A mom's responsibilities according to the kids are, "to make the food, to wash the dishes, to teach everyone about the Book of Mormon and everything else, to clean the toilet and the rest of the house, to take the kids where they need to go. And to sleep with the dad.

A kids responsibilities are to eat the food, to listen to the mom and dad, to play, to pick up their rooms, to be good. To go to bed when their mom says and to sleep in their own beds. To go to school and to learn at school and at home.

In the Family, A Proclamation to the World,
"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."

We talked about this paragraph in our class and it really made me think about the love and service we give in our own homes. To our family members.  Do we get caught up in my job and his job and their job and forget about them?  I can take out the garbage and fix the sink and mow the lawn and read a book or help with building a for as good and your average person.  I think it is important to remember that our love for one another is the most important thing and a lot of the time we can lessen someones load by helping them with their responsibilities. I am at home a lot more than Adam is.  Do I like mowing the lawn?  Not at all, but I do it because I know if I do, Adam will have a little bit more time to focus on the kids or doing something that will help him be in a better mood.  It doesn't take a lot of time, but it makes a difference.  We are a family, no one person is better or above another.  we are here to help and strengthen one another.  I think if we focus on that instead of what he or she isn't doing right or doing at all, the little things matter less and we grow stronger as a unit.  Satan is trying so hard to pull families apart.  We see that every day.  Even is some of the strongest families. 

I still struggle with yelling.  I am so short with the kids.  It makes me crazy. It seems like such a simple thing to hold my tongue.  No matter how hard I try I can't control myself.  Maybe it'll take a life time to get control of myself.  I will not give up.  

We were at the park yesterday and there was a cute little boy there. Corbin said he was 10 but he didn't look that old.  He was the kindest, happiest kid.  He was nice to all the kids that were there, old and young.  He made everyone feel like they mattered.  I want to meet his parents and see what they do.  they have to do something or things right in order to have such a loving kid.  that is the kind of parent I want to be, the kind that raises great kids. Kids that stand out because of their greatness.  Maybe someday. Maybe someday.

Captain Moroni (part 2)

In studying more about captain Moroni, I am wanting and wishing we knew something about his parents.  He was truly amazing.  He was a man of God who loved the people he served and his lands and liberty.  He was valiant, courageous, patriotic, full of integrity and charitable.  How hard would it be, to be a man of God who is expected to take lives.  the Book of Mormon talks about how it is okay when the first and second offense are not yours, but how hard it must be to take lives.  Our Military men and women are faced with similar situations. How trying on your spirits that must be. And to face situations like that and then be able to stand strong and valiant and still believe as Moroni did is mind boggling to me.

From what we know, Moroni never doubted.  He didn't fear man. He stood strong to the causes which were most important to him.  He was not ashamed of his God or his beliefs, he understood the importance of family (we don't know anything about his family)  He was young. Nephi was young. Joseph Smith was young. The stripling warriors were young.  Do you think that should teach us something about the youth of the church?  How much they can withstand.  How strong they can be. How humble they might be. What a difference they can make. 

The world we live in is full of evil.  Satan is trying to be everywhere.  There has always been things to fear, trials to overcome, strength to gain and opportunities to overcome the things of this world and become something better as these men did. In quite a few of the talks given in Conference this April, the apostles talked about this.  They talked about how "we are positive and happy not afraid of life." (Pres. Packer) "We should have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We combat those fears by strengthening our faith."( Elder Nelson) "Pain brings you to a humility that allows you to ponder..... Opposition is part of Heavenly Fathers plan of happiness. We all encounter enough to bring us to an awareness of our Father's love and of our need for our Savior's help" (Elder Kent Richard)

Moroni often talks about relying on the Lord, inquiring of the Lord, trusting in the Lord.  He did his best to live the commandments, to defend the truth. He fasted and prayed in times of need and also to show thanks to the Lord after he and his people were blessed.

Moroni and the people of God were prepared.  They knew their enemy, they knew what they stood for and they had physically prepared themselves for what might come.  we need to do the same.  How can a parent teach and help their children to be prepared if they themselves are not.  We take time to teach our kids what to do in a big "emergency" like if the house catches on fire or if someone tries to kidnap them. we teach them to say no to drugs. How to cross the street. But do we take the time or know how to teach them to rely on the Lord when someone questions the gospel or when they get made fun of or when their friends are headed down a path that is not a great one. Do we know how to prepare them for the spiritual emergency they may face?  Elder Nelson's talk goes on to say, "Why do we need such resilient faith?  Because difficult days are ahead. Rarely in the future will it be easy or popular to be faithful Latter-day Saints. Each of us will be tested.... That very persecution can either crush you into silent weakness or motivate you to be more exemplary and courageous in your daily lives."

I also learned (was reminded, is maybe a better thing to call it) how smart and cunning the devil is. in Alma 46, Amalickiah is leading some of the high priets of the church astray. He is flattering them, by telling them they will get more autority and power if he is their king.  These people give up all they know, believe and all they have because of an idea. How sad this is and how much smarter we need to be.

It is time to get Asher down for a nap. I will write more later.

Captain Moroni & My Stripling Warriors

So, We as a family are reading the book of Mormon, faster and further into it than we ever have with the kids.  Our Bishop asked that everyone in the ward read the Book of Mormon before General Conference in October.  We are a few chapters behind but I am sure we will finish on time. 

Right now, we are reading about Captain Moroni and soon about the Stripling warriors.  I love these chapters and Men and stories.  Not because of the fighting and wars and bloodshed, but because of the type of men these chapters teach us about. 

One of my very favorite scriptures is about Captain Moroni.  It reads, "Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were and ever would be like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men." Alma 48:17

The following verses talk about how servicable He was as well as Alma and the sons of Mosiah. How they preached repentance and baptism and faith in God.  They were humble and steadfast.  They loved the Lord and their families and their freedoms.

Some other verses that I love and I am planning a FHE to talk about them and put them up in our house to the kids can learn them are; "And they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all- they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.
Yea, they were men of truth and and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before Him."  Alma 53:20-21

How did they get to be this way?  This is what I am going to study for the next little bit.  But we know that they knew because their mothers (and I am sure their father's as well) taught them.  They lived for what they believed in and they were valiant. 

My boys have a father who is pretty close to the stature of man that Captain Moroni was.  He is valiant, he is courageous.  He loves the Lord and his family.  He serves and he is worthy to be called a disciple of the Lord.  My boys have a good start to become like Captain Moroni, Heleman and those two thousand stripling warriors.  Let's learn how I can help them to live up to their full potential and ready to face the challenges they will face in their lives.

Thoughts and ideas would be greatly appriciated!!

Levi, mommy date 6/29/2011

so, we have taken time to go out and do things with the kids one at a time since they were little, but recently Adam and i decided we needed to make it more of a scheduled, monthly thing. We set up a calender of when each of the kids would go and which parent they would go with. Last night was supposed to be Adam and Levi. At the last minute, Lev decided he only wanted to go on a date if it was with me (later I found out it was because he thought Adam would try and kiss him and he doesn't like boy kisses.) 

Levi decided for his date he wanted to eat dinner at home with everyone else.  Then he wanted to go get fireworks for the 4th and to get ice cream.  We went to Walmart so we could get an oil change on the van and a few groceries we needed.  He wanted to hold my hand the whole time we were there.  He talked and talked and talked and decided since we were on his date he should be able to buy anything and everything he wanted.  So we let him pick out Cash's birthday present and he got a few fireworks to do when we got home and an M&M fan. For our treat he decided to get rainbows from Pace's (no coaxing by me was needed).  He was so chatty at pace's also.  there was a cute grandma there that said Levi was the cutest kid she has ever seen.  She has all grandsons and thought he was cuter than her own.  She was cute and I think she made Levi's night even better. 

We talked about girls and school and friends and his brother's and getting married and the demolition derby we are going to on Saturday.  He is such a funny kid with such a huge imagination and a great sense of humor.  I love him (and his brothers) so very much.

I was having a bad day and spending time with him a lot better. 

When he had eaten a few bites of his slush he decided we needed to go home so he could share his treat with his dad and his friends (his brothers).  He is such a giving, thoughtful person.  I am excited to see what kid of young men my boys turn into.  they all have so many qualities that can make them be great!!!

little girls

So, here we are again....another huge gap between entries.  Not because I haven't had things to write about but because summer is so super busy and I got a new laptop and couldn't remember the email address to the blog.  What a loser, RIGHT!?!  I can't tell you how many people I wouldn't be able to call, email or text if it weren't for "favorites" online, a contact memory on my phone and google.  Technology is making me use my brain less and less. 

So, I am back and the question on my mind is, "What would a little girl do to our family full of boys?" 




Well, for starters, i would have to come up with a new name for my blog.  My soon to be craft room would turn into a very pink girl room (that could be fun). I would get to go shopping and buy (not just look at the little girl clothes) 

It would throw a lot of things off, some for the better, some for the.....less than better.  For instance, I don't think I would be able to yell at a sweet little girl. Adam wouldn't be able to for sure.  that would be good and bad at the same time.  It would make 5 or 6 more years before all of the kids were in school and I could start thinking about going back to school and getting y degree.  The boys all want a sister soooooooooo bad.
I think when the kids are older, I might have a hard time if I don't have a daughter to hang out with, to shop with, to have call me with parenting advise when she is a mom. 

I am thinking about this because I have been told probably 10 times in the last week or 2 that I need a little girl.  Who is to say if we have another (which I have mixed feelings about also) that it wouldn't be another little boy. Babies are little blessings from heaven and if we are supposed to have more, we will and we will get what we are supposed to have.  But, it is something to think about. 

How would your life be different in a lacking kind of way if you didn't have your kids? Or nieces and nephews or whatever it is you have.

Happy Mother's day??

A big shout out to all my fellow mothers out there!!  Nothing like a day to celebrate our faults and shortcomings.  I can't tell you how many times today I heard the words, "being a mother is so rewarding and is one of the greatest blessings in a woman's life........
Really? 
I am anxiously awaiting the day that I feel that way for more than a few seconds here and there.  Right now, I feel tired and weighed down with inadequacy.  By the end of each day i am grateful for bedtime because I need a break from all my little blessings who have nagged and whined and fought all day long. I need a moment to feel like I am something other than a maid, a cook and a sounding board for everyone. 
I think that part of me was expecting something really out of the ordinary today. But the day went as usual other than Adam got up and shut our door so I could sleep in till 9 in peace. And Adam was sick.  The kids were exceptionally wiggly in sacrament meeting and wouldn't stop talking.  I know that the young men's presidency talked about mothers but that is all I could tell you.  then I got to go to a family dinner with out Adam and deal with all the kids by my self. 
I am soooooo tired today.  I am grateful that I am tired because I was doing good. and taking care of the things I love most in this world, but am left feeling far from where I want to be at the end of this great day. 
I wish that I was put on this earth with the natural talent to be good, loving, playful mom. That I jumped out of bed every morning, early, excited for what the day might bring.  I want that, but have no idea how to get to that place. 
Maybe after the kids are grown up, and you look back at all the blood and sweat and tears and band aids you put in to raising you great kids who have turned into great adults you recognize the blessing better.  One day I will let you know.  For now, I will have to take the small moments where I feel that joy and hang on to that a little bit harder

the art of faith perfection

So, some of you might have started to think that I was MIA....well, I'm back.  This last week has been very full. There was a lot going on before the week started and every day brought new adventures and trials to many of my neighbors. I got to be on the helping side of a lot of struggles this week. And I will say that is the side I like to be on.  Nothing like a week full of service. 
I must say that I tried very hard throughout the week to be mindful of my children and making sure they did not feel too neglected.  I realized that a lot of that time we get so busy helping everyone outside of our home with so many things that we forget the people we should care and serve the most. I think that I was blessed because of that mind set and my kids did really well with all the stress that was everywhere.
What I really wanted to share today was a thought provoking quote I heard at a Relief Society meeting I went to yesterday morning.  There was a couple speaking to us about trials and faith. Both were young and both had lost their mothers to medical conditions and both had struggles and blessings come into their lives.
The wife talked about how she kept hoping that she would get to be one of those people who could say, "My mother was very sick with cancer, BUT she was miraculously healed."  That wasn't the case.  As she studied and prayed to be comforted, she came across a talk entitled "Faith and Infertility"  she shared a quote from the talked and here it is,

"She recalls a Sunday School lesson in which a bishopric member shared an important message about faith—one she’s clung to ever since. He said, “When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting.”

http://lds.org/ensign/2011/04/faith-and-infertility?lang=eng&query=faith+perfecting

I have thought a lot about this the last 2 days.  And how true it is.  If every time we prayed for a sick friend or family member to be healed and they were, if every time we weren't completely comfortable in our circumstances and they quickly changed because of a prayer, or whatever they may be, we would have a lot of faith promoting experiences, but how much greater our faith has to be as we struggle through the hard times, as we watch a loved one suffer through the final days of cancer or old age. As we watch our children make bad choices or struggle as a parent. As we struggle through school or a job or a calling. As we fight to overcome depression or a life long disease. How perfect our faith can become in prayer and in love and in endurance.

President Kimball in "The Miracle of Forgiveness" talks about struggles. He says something like, strength and struggle go together. without struggle we would never know the strength we have or have opportunities to be strengthened.  So very true. Think about how much stronger we come out of a rough time.  Strength we would never know we had not been faced with specific trials, big and small, throughout our lives.

I watch my mom struggle with her problems and for the most part, she has faith, she endures as well as she can.  One day, she will be better, maybe not in this life, but she will be better and I am sure she will have stories to share of faith perfecting experiences she had through the hard years of her life.

And so it is with each of us, as we struggle through our own individual struggles, we can be grateful for the opportunity our Heavenly Father is giving us to perfect our faith in Him and rely more on Him and His tender mercies.

Did that just happen? I mean really?

SO, you can tell that it is spring break and that it is still winter outside.  The kids are going wild and making me crazy. For some reason spending 2 hours out in the snow isn't quit the same as spending time out in the warm sun.


Well after the chaos of the morning I decided that I was going to take everyone to Walmart to get a few things. I did a wonderful job of threatening my kids before we left, but somewhere between the car and the doors of walmart, (probably slipped out of their flip flops), they forgot. :)


One of my biggest pet peeves is waiting for people.  Maybe your kids are like mine, maybe your a little bit luckier than I am, but the slower I walk, the slower my kids walk.....10 feet behind me. So getting into the store takes as long as it would take me to get in and fill my cart if I were alone. Today was extra special due to the snow and the flip flops. Everyone had to hold their pants up so they didn't get wet.  We finally get in the store and low and behold there is the Red Box.  "MOM MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM we HAVE to get a movie." We have bought 3 new movies in the last month or so and they never get watched. we have netflix and they watch the same 3 movies everyday, regardless of what else there is to watch (including the movie they just HAD to have from the walmart RedBox.) We fight that battle and I win.


Next we head over to the allergy medicine isle (not before we have the fight about getting a cup of popcorn chicken-which I win also) and Gabe decides  getting in everybody'sway isn't enough so he starts punching Corbin and Levi. I ask him to stop so he slaps me and in the process cuts my hand with one of his long rigid fingernails that I have been trying to cut for days.  Not thinking, I smack him, and the man standing next to me looks at me like I just beat my kid with a metal poll or something. I definitely lost that battle.


We get everything we need and then some with the usual kids climbing in the clothes racks and behind the food on the shelves and running all over the store until I decide to pretend like they aren't with me, because that makes me look a little less pathetic and desperate.  Corbin and Levi are chasing each other and Corbin runs into a table display with a shelf about knee level. Next thing I know he is on the floor crying. Levi is long gone.
 I have this philosophy that if something bad happens when you're doing something you have been told, or know not to do, no one should feel that bad for you. You shouldn't get a candy bar from the walmart manager because you ran off and they had to call a code Adam to find you. You shouldn't get prizes at the dentist for having a mouth full of cavities. Why would anyone reward misbehaving or bad behavior. I love my kids but I don't see how that would do a whole lot of good. The mind set then changes to, "if I do something I am not supposed to but cry when I get caught or when things don't go my way, then  get a reward. That is funner than obeying." Right?


So I tried to help Corbin up but he insisted on laying in the middle of the floor crying. As you may know, Corbin is no little 6 year old. I couldn't pick him up off the floor if I had to.  So he laid their. After a minute or 2 a girl walks over and asks me if everything is ok. I respond with, "We are fine. He was being stupid and didn't listen when I asked him to stop and he ended up hurt. So, I don't really feel to bad for him."  The girl responded with,"I am an EMT so it is my obligation to care."  I told her I was sure he was more embarrassed than hurt and that we would be fine.  That battle was a good beat down by more than the kids.


We finally got to the check out and the kids decided to take off the the wonderful arcade we are so blessed to have at our local walmart. I was ready to go and they weren't done playing.  I walked off and told them if they weren't ready to leave, they could live at walmart.


Needless to say, I left walmart fairly confident that this day, in that hour, I had won the mother of the year award. I walked out of that store and got in my car with my head bowed and felt a few inches shorter than I did this morning.


I have no words of wisdom for this day other than some days all you can do is endure. Just because we fail miserably at times doesn't mean we can give up.  we have to get back on the horse no matter how much it hurts.  Heavenly Father knew what kind of a parent we would be before he chose to send us some of his choicest spirits and if He trusts us enough to raise them right and well, we owe it to Him, and them to at least try.  A bad minute or hour doesn't have to mean a bad day all around. We can choose to act instead of react to a situation or a kid or a nosey lady at walmart. And hopefully at the end of the day we can ask our selves, "have I done any good in the world today." and feel like we did something worthwhile and good.

Pray Always?? (Day 4)

So, Like I said at the beginning of this little journey that I am on, as a missionary, I prayed ALWAYS.  when I rolled out of bed, when I sat down to study the scriptures,before I ate, before we left our appartment, before we taught anyone, sometimes on the side of the street seeking the Lord's will for us in that hour, when we returned home, before i fell into bed and many, many more times through out each day of those 18 months.  At that time I had a very strong unwavering testimony of prayer.  Today, due to the lack of praying always in my life, that faith in prayer and testimony of prayer is much weaker.  I struggle because of that.  I still believe that prayer works, that our Father in Heaven hears and answers even the weakest of prayers, but because I have not acted on that principle as much as I should have lately, that testimony has weakened immensely.

I am studying prayer today, but without studying I can tell you this.  I know when we pray out loud, there is a different spirit that accompanies our prayers. When we pray in secret, in our minds as we drive down the road or as we struggle not to strangle our children at the grocery store, those prayers are heard also.  As we pray for others, they are uplifted and blessed, as are we. When we fast with prayer the Lord is able and willing (according to His will) to pour blessing on us.  We are not alone in this life, we don't have to be not even for 1 second.  That knowledge is priceless.  That is knowledge that not many people throughout the world know.

As a mother I should rely on prayer much more than I do.  I need all the help I can get. And, because of the knowledge I have of the plan of salvation, I know that Heavenly Father knows me and my children individually, better than I know my self and much better than I know my kids. So, why wouldn't I take my concerns, my fears, my accomplishments, my struggles, my deepest desires for my self as a wife and mother and for my children to Him, He who knows all. 

Does pray always  mean that I spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week kneeling at the side of my bed praying? Probably not. there is more than one way to pray.  As we kneel down and pray, we are focusing all or our energy for that few minutes on prayer.  As we close that prayer and  get up and on with our day, we need to have a prayer in our hearts. Remember the things that we have been counseling with the Lord about, remember the things we have asked His help with and work towards the desired goals. Do things, read things, listen to things, say things that will allow the spirit to stay with us.  Take time throughout the day to "check in" so to say with the Lord.  Keep in touch. That, in my opinion is how we pray always.

With that said, will He answer all my prayers right now, the way I want? Of course not.  How would we grow or learn if every time we went to the Lord with a question he instantly gave us the answer without any work on our part. When reading the story of the Brother of Jared, who I have grown to love, we learn that there are different ways prayers can be answered.  On occasion he was told what to do, on occasion he was told it would work its self out, on occasion, he was left to his own wisdom and desires to come up with a solution. the same is true for us.

As I have studied for a few short minutes today this is what I have found:

Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained the role of prayer: “Petitioning in prayer has taught me, again and again, that the vault of heaven with all its blessings is to be opened only by a combination lock. One tumbler falls when there is faith; a second when there is personal righteousness; the third and final tumbler falls only when what is sought is, in God’s judgment—not ours—right for us. Sometimes we pound on the vault door for something we want very much and wonder why the door does not open. We would be very spoiled children if that vault door opened any more easily than it does. I can tell, looking back, that God truly loves me by inventorying the petitions He has refused to grant me. Our rejected petitions tell us much about ourselves but also much about our flawless Father.”

There is a country song by Garth Brooks that says' "some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." How true that is.  How much time to we spend focused on things that don't matter or that haven't even happened yet.  The Lord knows, he gets the big picture. He loves us and when a prayer is left unanswered it is either because the Lord might be letting someone else be the answer to that prayer, the timing is not right, we don't need to know the answer, or because our will is not in accord with the Lord's.  When we are doing all we can, studying, praying, serving, asking,(and I don't mean being  perfect) the Lord will not let us down, he can't. It is not in his nature to do so.

The Savior said, “Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you” (3 Ne. 18:20). If we pray for something  that is right, it will be ours.

“Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them.” . That is from the bible dictionary. It also talks about how prayer is work. If we ask for something we need to be willing to do all we can to help that prayer be answered, be it studying things out for ourselves, serving those who we pray for and others as well, doing what we can to be a good mom and not leaving it to the Lord to change or fix us on his own, and trusting that in due time, answers or blessings, or a change will, in fact, come.

There is a talk by President Eyring given at BYU in 1999, I read it often on my mission and shared it with may people.  It is titled "Always" http://lds.org/ensign/1999/10/always?lang=eng&query=pray+always This talk, talks about the importance and sacredness of the word "always." We hear it every sunday as we prepare to take the sacrement, "always remember Him," "always have His spirit to be with us," part of a covenant.
There is also the command to pray always, like in 3 Nephi 18:18, it reads, “Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for Satan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat”  It is a warning to pray always.  Satan was in the pre-exsistance, he knows us, he knows how to make us fail, or feel like we are failing.  He knew I would struggle with my role as a wife and mother, that I am not patient of selfless enough to enjoy my role each day, but if I were praying always, I would have an added measure of the spirit with me, I would learn patience, satan would have a harder time breaking me down because he would have more to go through than just me.  He would have those angels from heaven to break through first and then the me that is guarded by strength that comes with prayer, that my Heavenly Father is waiting (probably very impatiently) to send my way. He wants me to succeed as a mother, he wants my children to be great. I know that. When we know that praying always can bring that kind of blessings (which I do. I have seen) why do we not do something so simple as pray always.  AND, as we pray always, that helps us to keep the covenant we made at baptism, and renew each sunday to always remember Him.  Can we really forget someone we are in constant communication with?  I think not.

My goal for this week is to be mindful of prayer, to make more of an effort to start and end my days with prayer. To pray out loud alone and with my family.  To seek to know the Lord's will for me so that my prayers will be in accord with his will.  To give thanks for the blessings which are mine.   I am so greatly blessed to be a part of the only true church of Jesus Christ, to know that the Heavens are still open and not just to the prophet, but to all of us. "Ask and it shall be given to you, seek, and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you." 3 Nephi 14:7

Money and Grass....day 3 of the Challenge

We often hear the saying, 

Is it really or is our field of vision to narrow?  Are we so focused on what we don't have or how bad we have it that we can't see clearly what is right in front of us or even all around us. I may look at your life and think that you have it pretty good, that maybe, if it were possible, I could trade you places and everything hard and wrong with life would just disappear.  Chances are after a short time I would want my life back. My shortcomings, my trials, my blessings, my weaknesses, exactly what our Heavenly Father intended for me to have.
Money stresses me out. Money makes me so grumpy when it is tight or there isn't enough.  for instance, When I take a kid to the dentist and walk away $120 later with another appointment scheduled for 2 days later knowing it will cost me $200 to walk through the door and that won't be the end of it... That makes for one unhappy me.  I know that money is just money.  But it is MONEY and everything cost way to much money. I spent some time today thinking how nice it would be to have a lot of money. To be able to hand over hundreds of dollars for an hour at the dentist and walk away happy. 
That my friends is not my life.  the scriptures teach that money is the root of all evil.  (1 Tim 6:10) I think that having money can lead to evil and the lack of money can lead to unrighteous actions and thoughts.  Satan has a lot of control over money and our thoughts about money, mostly in my opinion because everything this world has to offer revolves around money and how much of it we have.  Do I think that money brings happiness, Not at all, but it would be nice to have a little bit more than I do.
It is a pleasant day dream for me to have a nice car, a nice home with room for everyone and everything, to have my kids in whatever extracurricular activities they want, to buy new clothes and shoes on a whim, to travel and vacation, to eat out when and where ever we want, to be able to give without a thought or a sacrifice being made. To not have the stress of money weighing me down on a daily basis.  BUT, I could also see myself losing focus of the stuff that matters most, my family, the Savior, my obligation to teach my children and to serve in the church. If we don't have to struggle in this life, if we don't have to find ways to pay outrageous dentist bills or whatever it may be, how will we learn? How will we appreciate it when we don't have to stress about things?  There is a time and a season for all things.  All things....not just some things, but all things.  That knowledge is a blessing by it's self. 
There is a reason we struggle. there is also a reason that I have my struggles and you have yours.  Chances are if you visit my grass that looks green and soft and fluffy, you will find that it is spray painted green and very bumpy under the fluff. Chances are that if we traded places with he who we covet most, our outlook will change and we will want that which was once ours.  Our Heavenly Father knows us and loves us. He sent us to this earth that we might have joy.  But in order to know joy, we must learn pain and suffering, struggle and strife.  We will never know if the grass is truly greener on the other side, but I am pretty sure that in the long run we will be ok with that.  As we progress though this earthly journey and learn and grow, our grass with be as green as we let it be and when we look back on our stories, we will find a lot more joy and love then we remember, there might even be a few flowers along the way that we somehow missed.  Some how the gospel has that effect on us.

Day 2

Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer … builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven …”


<sup>This quote was shared multiple times during conference this past weekend.  I don't think it was intended to be applied to parenting, but I thought much about the pain and suffering the trials, the patiences and the faith required to raise children,  It is not easy, for me anyway. But according to Orson, there is a purose to it all. How would we learn and grow if everything in life was easy. If we didn't have to wok at it?  The Lord has a plan for each of us. He knows us and loves us.  He knew that I would struggle as a parent, but I don't think He gave me a bunch of rambuncious boys so he could sit up in Heaven or wherever and laugh at me as I fail at raising them. If nothing else, he loves them too much to let me fail without a chance of improvement, of learning and growth. 


My mission president, Kent Richards used this quote first in this conference, he was talking about the purpose of feeling pain. We need to feel physical and spiritual pain so we can develop and grow.  As we suffer, we become stronger.  Our faith grows and we can come closer to our Father in Heaven.  The Savior knows exactly how I feel on hard days. When I am so over whelmed that all I can do is yell, and that can change.  I am determined to get to that point. 


I am going to focus on the growth that can come through my struggles.  To learn from them so I can get past them and enjoy the journey.</sup>

Day 1 of the "best me I can be" challenge

As a mother I am on the Lord's errand. Elder Holland gave a great talk entitled "Because She is a Mother."
 http://lds.org/ensign/1997/05/because-she-is-a-mother?lang=eng  He says, "Do the best you can through these years (as a young and busy mother), but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is uniquely yours for which Heaven it's self sends angels to watch over you and your little ones."


There are so many good things in this talk.  Being on the Lord's errand means as wer ernestly and faithfully pray and seek for knowledge and understanding and an added measure of strength, He will provide ans we will survive.  Who knows, we may even find ourselves thriving as a mother. I don't think there is any thing I would want to feel more that that right now. 

Do you ever have days when you feel like a complete failure?  Like you're letting everyone you care about down?  today has been one of those days. In all reality, it has been one of those months.  I hate it.


Our ward is doing a mission activity this month and it has got me thinking alot about my mission. I was a great missionary.  (I am not bragging, I was good. probably one of the few things I have been great at in my life.) I am on a quest to figure out how I can be that great at being a mother and wife. 


To start I have to figure out what made me a great missionary because in all reality, to be a great mother I need to do the same things I did as a missionary. My boys are just little investigators that I get to be with twenty-four hours a day 7 days a week. So, here we go.


I wanted to serve a mission,for a long as I can remember I wanted to serve a mission (I didn't always want to be a mother.) I love the gospel. I love people. I really enjoy talking to people especially about the gospel.  I worked really hard at being a missionary. I did all I could to be prepared. I woke up earlier than required to study and commune with the Lord, to make sure my will was in accord with the Lord's will. I prayed always-ALWAYS. About everything I did, everywhere I went. I sought  council in everything I did. And I focused on the my goal, on the big picture. Not every door that got slammed in my face or every person who told me they didn't want to lear more about the gospel. I didn't let thoses things get me down for to long.


I wanted to get married. I wouldn't have had the idea to have my children as close and a many as I have on my own, but I am eternally grateful for them and I couldn't imagine life with out any one of them. I want to be a good wife and a great mom. I don't want to look back in 20 years and kick myself because I am full of regrets. I want to look back and feel like I could have done more, but only if I had know what I know then.  I want to feel like I was prepared and that I gave my all, every day, to each of my children and to the love of my life. And most importantly, that my actions and my will were in accord with the Lord's will.


SO...... this is what I am going to do.  My new mission for the time being is to study it out. To pray for a desire to do all I can to be the best I can be (I will never be the best, but I can be my best and the best for my family) I am going to do all I can to be prepared spiritually, mentally and physically everyday.


I am going to learn how to focus on the big picture. Not so much the dirty toliet and all the lunch that ended up on the floor and the wall, the laundry that needs to be folded and the floor that has needed to be mopped for 3 days. I am going to read and study and learn and follow and play and be young at heart (even if I don't want to) I am also going to do more to fulfill my calling in the Relief Society or what ever it may be.


I will focus on making me better, not changing everything about everyone else that makes me crazy. I am gong to blog my journey, what I study, what I learn, and how it changes things (especially me) I will learn and grow and I will write it all down so I can remember, and maybe one day I can share. You never know, my boys might get a little boy just like them. They, or more likely their wives will want to know how to survive their children and I might have learned something that will give them a little bit of hope.


We have started a journey and I promise to find scriptures, quotes and wise words to share with you, to put around my home to remind me and teach my family what matters most and how to get there as a family. Here we go.