A big shout out to all my fellow mothers out there!! Nothing like a day to celebrate our faults and shortcomings. I can't tell you how many times today I heard the words, "being a mother is so rewarding and is one of the greatest blessings in a woman's life........
Really?
I am anxiously awaiting the day that I feel that way for more than a few seconds here and there. Right now, I feel tired and weighed down with inadequacy. By the end of each day i am grateful for bedtime because I need a break from all my little blessings who have nagged and whined and fought all day long. I need a moment to feel like I am something other than a maid, a cook and a sounding board for everyone.
I think that part of me was expecting something really out of the ordinary today. But the day went as usual other than Adam got up and shut our door so I could sleep in till 9 in peace. And Adam was sick. The kids were exceptionally wiggly in sacrament meeting and wouldn't stop talking. I know that the young men's presidency talked about mothers but that is all I could tell you. then I got to go to a family dinner with out Adam and deal with all the kids by my self.
I am soooooo tired today. I am grateful that I am tired because I was doing good. and taking care of the things I love most in this world, but am left feeling far from where I want to be at the end of this great day.
I wish that I was put on this earth with the natural talent to be good, loving, playful mom. That I jumped out of bed every morning, early, excited for what the day might bring. I want that, but have no idea how to get to that place.
Maybe after the kids are grown up, and you look back at all the blood and sweat and tears and band aids you put in to raising you great kids who have turned into great adults you recognize the blessing better. One day I will let you know. For now, I will have to take the small moments where I feel that joy and hang on to that a little bit harder
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