Earlier this year I went to a Relief Society meeting and a young couple spoke about their trials and experiences. The girl had lost her mother (I think) to cancer when she was in her early 20's. She talked about prayer and the way our prayers are answered or not answered. She shared a quote from a talk, I think I have wrote about it before. But, here it is again, “For a while, I thought if I had enough faith, I would be cured,” she says. “But sometimes having faith means trusting in and listening to the Lord even when we are not cured. What we want won’t always match what He has planned for us.”......“When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting.”
There was a great talk in conference about looking up. Letting the atonement work for us in our lives and always looking to the Savior. http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/it-is-better-to-look-up?lang=eng In his talk, Elder Cook says, "Experience has taught me that if we, like President Monson, exercise our faith and look to God for help, we will not be overwhelmed with the burdens of life. We will not feel incapable of doing what we are called to do or need to do. We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy.3 We will come to realize that most of what we worry about is not of eternal significance—and if it is, the Lord will help us. But we must have the faith to look up and the courage to follow His direction."How often in life do we face a trial, get sick or get diagnosed with cancer or lose a loved one or a job, struggle as a parent or a spouse or just have a bad day, a bad break up and so on and so on. the list is almost endless, and we pray, because when life isn't going according to plan we tend to pray a little bit more, Right? And much to our dismay, it seems like Heavenly Father has left us on our own to fight through and figure out a way to come out on top, or come out at all in some cases. We might feel alone, or abandoned or unloved. But that feeling I have learned is a choice. We choose to let our unanswered prayer get us down. We don't let our Savior's love and the atonement pull us up above the gloom and despair. We choose to not feel blessed and we choose to not let our faith be perfected.
This week could have been a really hard, depressing week for me. As you know, we have been trying to get pregnant for most of this year. Making a baby has always been a fairly easy process at our house until this time. Well, last friday we found our we were pregnant. Saturday morning I had some problems and ended up at the dr, then back again on tuesday. I lost the baby. It was sad and hard. But I chose to focus on the blessing I have in my life..the 4 kids I have that if I had stuck to my plan would not be. My great husband, my wonderful friends, a calling that has kept me super busy this week, and most importantly a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I know. A Heavenly Father who knows me and wants the best for me. That doesn't always mean that thing will go easy or the way I want them to. We have to experience the bad, the ugly and the hard so we will appreciate the good. In the Book Of Mormon, Lehi teaches us in 2 Nephi :11 " that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; where
We could not be grateful for the good and the happy if we never experienced the bad and the sad. It was an interesting experience for me. Saturday I had Adam and Joe give me a blessing and was really hoping that it would say something like, "your baby will be fine!" or, "prepare yourself, this baby will not be making an appearance here on this earth next May." But that is not what I heard. I got, be patient, Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of your situation, one day, someday, you will bear a child.
So, I know that someone is aware of me, but should I be scared, Happy, sad, worried? I didn't know. then I go to the dr and they say "well, you could have miscarried or you could be fine. We will take blood today and then again on tuesday and then on wednesday, we will let you know what is going on. what is done is done and there isn't anything anyone can do to change it." Any one who knows me knows I am the farthest thing from patient. it was a long 5 days. The hardest part was not knowing what I felt or what I should be feeling. But at the same time I knew that everything was going to work out the way it was supposed to and I was ok with that. I was ok with whatever news I was going to get. Every time I would pray, I prayed that I would feel my Savior's love and that I would know what to feel. I know the Savior knew what I was going through and He knew how I should be feeling. And that was good enough for me. I felt the Savior's love and the strength that comes from knowing about the atonement and the plan of salvation. I still feel that love.
What a blessing to go through a hard, unwanted experience and to come out feeling closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. Such a better place to be than questioning the Lord's motives and my worth as a child of God. I don't think that I am a heartless person who doesn't feel or care and I don't think that I am someone special that gets knocked down and jumps back up with out a problem or thinking twice, I think we get to make choices (part of our agency) and I chose to be happy and hopeful. I chose to move forward and to let my faith get a little bit closer to perfect.
When we let the Lord's plan work for us, when we put our struggles in His hands we can't not win. I am so grateful for the gospel. for the plan of salvation. I can't imagine going through life with out the gospel. I would be so scared and alone I think. I don't know how I would have survived the last week. One more thing that motivates me to look for opportunities to be a missionary and to teach my kids how important it is to have an eternal perspective. to not waste time worrying about the things that don't matter and letting the Savior help with the things that do.
That is my big long spiel for the night.
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